The National Christmas Tree Lighting

A little while ago, I went to the National Christmas Tree Lighting at the White House. My mom and I were able to win four tickets so I was able to share the experience with my mother as well as some of my new Maryland friends. It was beautiful. The holiday music and decorations definitely signaled the beginning of Christmas. Plus, I was able to share the moment with people I dearly cherish in my life.
Someone told me recently that moments don't really mean anything unless you live them in consideration to the future. For instance, a kiss is only a kiss. It means something greater when the person your sharing the kiss with becomes your future. I understand this philosophy. When I look back at my own memories, the ones I remember most are those moments which had significant impact on my future: the birth of my little sister, the first time a boy said he liked me, my first job, my best childhood friend. However, I still hold that moments are what makes living worth while whether those seconds or minutes are held in respect to the future or not.

Those listed above are only some of my most significant memories, but the bulk of my memories consists of moments which are only that...only moments: my 21st birthday I spent in Las Vegas, my senior prom, the time my dad caught me sneaking out of the house, the first time I played spin the bottle. At the time, these moments had nothing to do with my future whatsoever, but all of them played a part in making me the woman I am today.

I had to skip one of my graduate classes in order to attend the Christmas Tree Lighting. I could have decided not to go because attending class is has more of a significant impact on my future. But what will I remember ten years from now: that night with my friends watching president Obama turn on the Christmas tree or sitting in a classroom discussing the ethics of public policy?

The moral of this story is....you should not always choose your moments by considering which will be more influential for your future. Sometimes you should live just for that moment despite its possible insignificance. The moment may be all we have.

Election 2009: America Favors the Alternative

Since last night, news sources have been telling us that the real loser in yesterday's elections was President Obama. They have been telling us that citizens voted in opposition to the Democratic Party in order to exemplify their disappointment over the lack of "change" and societal advancement since Democrats won the White House a year ago. In opposition, I do not believe that the elections were a referendum on President Obama. Instead, I believe the election results are illustrative of a general rejection of authority altogether--a trend that has gradually been developing over the last few years. We not only saw previously Democratic constituencies favor the Republican, but we also witnessed historically Republican precincts voting for the Democratic candidate.

In New Jersey, Republican Chris Christie won the race for Governor. A Republican has not won a statewide race in New Jersey since 1997. In Virginia, McDonnell, also Republican, won the gubernatorial election. McDonnell beat his Democratic opponent, Creigh Deeds, by almost 20% in a state where Democrats have won control of the office 5 out of the last 7 races.

On the flip side, in upstate New York, Democrat Bill Owens won the 23rd Congressional District--a district that has been held by republicans for over one hundred years. Some would argue against this example by saying the Democratic Party only won the seat because the Republican party was split between Diedre Scozzafava and the Conservative party candidate Doug Hoffman. However, considering Scozzafava's ideology and support of the Democrat after her withdrawal from the race, if anything, she split the liberal vote.

People are simply no longer accepting the dominant authority, meaning they are rejecting those previously in office, whether that be based on a rejection of the dominant party or a rejection of other historic norms of power. Several important races included a prominent third party candidate illustrating a refusal of the dominant party authorities (both Republican and Democrat) altogether. Additionally, voters seem to be rejecting authority not only on the partisanship of the incumbent, but rejecting the authority of precedent for a particular area. For example, in Atlanta Georgia, Mary Norwood received more votes than her contenders (although a run-off election is to be held). If Norwood is to be elected, she will be the first white mayor in a 35 year history of African American incumbents. The Houston, Texas mayoral race resulted in a 5% lead for Annise Parker. If she wins she will be the first openly gay mayor in Texas, a historically conservative state. In both these examples, voters are rejecting previous authority by refusing to support the historic norms within the region.

The areas in which incumbents did win resulted in very close races. New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg won his third term in office. He beat his Democratic opponent, Bill Thompson by a narrow 5 point margin. Considering Bloomberg outspent Thompson 31 million dollars in his campaign, the closeness of this race still exemplifies an extreme refusal of authority even in the presence the incumbent's win.

We are experiencing an important political wave: one described not by an excessive partisan shift due to a disappointment in the predominate party, but one classified by a rejection of existing authority simply because it is the authority. People are looking for ways to transcend external power and thus, are favoring the alternative.

We Shouldn't Need Laws to Open Our Hearts

Today, Wednesday October 28, 2009, President Obama signed a law that makes it a federal crime to assault an individual because of his sexual orientation or gender identity. This piece of legislation was named for Matthew Shepard, a teenage boy in Wyoming who was brutally murdered because he was gay. First, I would like to emphasize my belief that the implementation of this law is an important first step, of the many required to establish equal rights for gays and lesbians. Second, I am disheartened that a law like this even had to be passed at all.

It's hard for me to understand how someone could be so angry, ashamed, disgusted (what ever the case may be) at another individual's preferences, that he would feel the need to harm that person. Why? Why would you need to assault or murder someone based on a choice they made that does not affect you in any way? I truly am unable to comprehend a reason.

We live in America: the land of the free, the country of choice, the founder of personal liberty. We all know this; we all live by it. We complain if we are told what to do; we protest if we are not given options. We argue and disagree because we are free to do so; we give our opinions because we can. And for some reason, we still are unwilling to let others do the same; we wish to put limitations on our neighbor, but never ourselves.

On that note, I am sad that we still have to pass laws that protect people who may look, think, or act differently. We should all be protected equally no matter the circumstance. There should be no need for this hate crimes bill, there should be no need for the 19th amendment; there should be no need for affirmative action. But, there is...there is a need and that is what distresses me most. We are passing laws to counteract our hearts....this should make us ask: "what is wrong with our hearts?"

This Minute, Right Now

A couple of days ago I asked myself: "Why is everyone so obsessed with preserving memories." Don't get me wrong, I am certainly no exception and adore my photo album and scrapbook. Yep, that's right, I am definitely a scrapbook girl.

But I hear people complain all the time about how they missed the entirety of their own wedding reception or were unable to interact during the birthday party because they were so focused on taking dozens of pictures. So why do we keep doing it? Why do we consume our time during these exciting events with taking pictures, running a camcorder, or writing down the funny things your drunk uncle said?

I realize the importance of memories and the remembrance of past events. It is important to apply our past experiences to today, learn from our mistakes, grow from our strengths, and recall the good times we shared with one another. Nevertheless, the obsession of preserving these images, words, or events by a medium other than our own minds can actually have an opposite and detrimental affect. Instead of actually living and experiencing the moment, we are only witnessing it from the lens of a camera. Only experience gives us something to grow by.

Never stop taking pictures; everyone needs something to look back on. We should just start living more for the moment when its happening rather than for the moment five years down the road when we actually get two minutes to flip through that old album. So next time your at a 4th of July party, set down your camera, grab the one you love, and just soak it in. Fireworks are always better now than their carbon copies later.

The Panoramic

I was on the beach the other day. The tide was far out and because of the storm that recently passed over the east coast, the waves had made a sand bank the week prior. That morning, the waves were breaking a hundred yards from the shore and the tide was amazingly swallow. All these elements--last week's storm, the calm tide, the swallow water, the sand bank--created the perfect conditions for a beach full of seashells. I spent the entire morning hunting for the perfect one. I kept my head down for several hours, so much so that by mid-afternoon I had a headache originating at the base of my neck.



I found a few good shells: one that was gold and well-polished, another which was a rare purple color that I could easily make into a necklace, but in several hours of searching I did not find one that absolutely took my breath away. I wasn't satisfied. It was not until well in the afternoon when I sat down near the water's edge to take a break, when I noticed how beautiful the day was. The waves were gently crashing on the freckled sand. The sky was cloudless and a hazy pink color that was gently reflected on the surface of the ocean. I had spent the entire morning looking down. I had devoted several hours looking for the perfect specimen, while the entire time I was missing it because I never looked up. I missed the big picture when ironically, it was exactly what I was looking for. . . something to take my breath away.




This happens to everyone, all the time. Unfortunately, many times we never realize it. We spend our lives searching for the perfect job, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect vacation, the perfect outfit, the perfect date. We pass up many of these because they have a flaw: they are too weak or brittle, their shape or color isn't unique enough, or their edges are rough. While the entire time, perfection is right in front of us.


Near the ocean, I found some good possibilities but nothing perfect. I was focusing on the tiny flaws--only pieces--of the beach rather than looking at the beauty of the entire picture...this is why I was unable to find perfection. Is this why we are so often disappointed? During our search for ideal--marriage, career, pair of shoes--do we focus only on the inadequate pieces, the pieces that are only disappointing when unassociated with the flawless entirety? The seashells were beautiful; they were all perfect when I saw them for what they were...a mere portion of the whole picture. We must remember to look up more often.

More than Morality Requires?

I was reading a philosophical book on ethics and started to question: "Is there some point, possibly indeterminable, at which an individual has done all she is required to do? At this point, does she have the option to decline to do more and is still morally affable?"

If a person responds "yes" to these questions, then she is giving up on a better tomorrow. She has determined that she has done her best to help those she can. She has decided that she no longer has an obligation to help feed the hungry or promote the end of human trafficking. She believes it is not her job to give a portion of her wealth to her neighbors whom cannot afford their basic bills. She reasons that because she has given ten percent of her wages to her congregation, she has no responsibility to support the local charity. Her choices and actions are no longer aimed at promoting the general good.

But if a person believes that there is no such point, then it seems she is setting herself up for a life of disappointment and failure. The world will never be perfect nor will every individual be happy. Therefore, one's work for a better world will never be finished. Furthermore, every minute she takes to watch her favorite TV show, every penny she spends on a mere disposable desire will be in opposition to her moral requirement. That minute could have been used to volunteer at a soup kitchen; that penny could have been spent on aids research.

Is there some kind of moral limit? And if so, how do we determine where it is?

A Nightmare's Silver Lining

One of the biggest questions surrounding Christianity is "How could an all-powerful, loving God allow suffering?" Logic tells us that God is either all-powerful and cruel, or loving and weak. The main response to this is that God allows suffering because "everything has a reason" and "something good will eventually come from it." But doubters will say, "How about all the things that happen and exist that have no conceivable silver lining?" I never have known exactly how to reply; I simply believe and for some that's not enough. So I have considered this question probably a thousand times, in light of the fact that we shouldn't always know God's plan or comprehend why things happen. I have considered it because I want to be able to say something other than the traditional response that they commonly receive.

The other night I had an experience that developed new thoughts. I wish to caution any readers that I do not study theology nor am I a pastor or a priest. These are simply some thoughts that I wished to share.

I woke up three nights ago in a panic. I had a nightmare in which my little sister, mother, and father had died. It was one of those dreams on which upon waking, for a split second, you still believe that it is real. Finally, a sense of, not only relief, but of appreciation sank into my stomach. I woke up from that nightmare loving my family even more if possible, realizing how much I take their being for granted, and accessing all the blessings that make me so lucky.

The next morning, I surmised that this could be another reason explaining earthly suffering. Maybe God allows suffering not only because it possesses a silver lining (hidden or visible) but because it leads to a greater good incomprehensible until we face our final hour. People will be more thankful, more blessed, more loving, less regretful, and less selfish in the heavenly end if they once have suffered earthly pains. It's similar to when people say, "You can't be truly happy, if you have never experienced sadness...you have nothing to compare it to."

My nightmare made me think that we suffer today to experience a greater appreciation for God and his love tomorrow. In the end, everything sad will suddenly become untrue; and eternity will be greater because life was once broken or lost.

Little Tid Bits'

I know I haven't updated my blog in awhile, so I wanted to come up with something brilliant. Unfortunately, I am too busy to be insightful. I would, however, like to leave you with these photos for the time being. They outline my summer fairly well, including my camping trip with my grandparents, my claim to fame at Tuacahn, and my cross country adventure with my mom and sister. Enjoy!

Why Continue to Gamble (Part 2)

In January, I wrote a blog titled "Why Continue to Gamble?" It basically outlined my thoughts about gambling in any area of life and questioned the reasoning behind gambling after you've already won. I think I may now have found my own answer.

In order to ever win, you must be willing to loose. You have to risk something in order to possibly gain more. I was faced with a decision a few weeks ago: to attend the University of Utah or the University of Maryland. The University of Utah was willing to offer me full tuition plus an additional stipend to attend their public policy program. Whereas, the University of Maryland did not have any scholarships or financial aid accessible to me. Most people told me it was an easy decision, that I had already won, and the financial package made Utah an excellent choice. They were right. Utah is a great choice and has an excellent program. But for me personally, I knew there was something greater. I wanted to attend Maryland and I wanted to move to DC. I had won, but I continued to gamble. Why? I gambled because I was willing to loose what I had already won in hopes of a bigger payoff.

If you don't gamble the status-quo, you'll go on living your life and you'll probably be just fine. But what if you want extraordinary? You have to be willing to loose; you have to continue to gamble even after you've already won. If your wanting to know if I hit the jackpot...I did. Yesterday, I was offered a Graduate Assistantship at the University of Maryland's Clarice Smith Performing Arts Center. They have an amazing program and are very dedicated to the community. Plus, I get to work in theater...a passion that I have loved and been involved with for eight years. I work 20 hours a week and in return, the University is waiving my tuition for my master's program, providing me a health plan, and granting me an additional cash stipend. It's an amazing opportunity and I've been thanking God every second.

So why do people continue to gamble? They are looking for extraordinary.

When God Closes A Door...

I know it's cliche but when God closes a door, he does open a window. The problem is that many times we stand around starring at that door, searching for the nonexistent key, or crying about our unfortunate situation when the way out is only a few paces away.

Life has a way of never being perfect and always remaining unpredictable. We do not always get what we want. We may have to say good-bye to the people we love most. A shadow may, more often than not, be cast over our "happily ever after."

We tend to weep when our door closes. We say, "Why me? Why did this have to happen?" We're persistent; we feel as if we need to go through that particular door. We beg for the job which was obviously not meant to be. We fight for the man whom is regrettably unavailable. We wallow in the loss of a friend, a valuable possession, a vacation opportunity, a promotion, an athletic competition. What we should be doing is saying "hello" to someone new, finding a more perfect career, celebrating our victories, and realizing our alternative possibilities. It's OK to be sad or frightened when your in a dark room and you may feel like your all alone. The problem develops when we spend too much time idling in the darkness rather than turning on the light; trying repetitively to knock down the door rather than discovering the wide-open window just across the room. Trust me, you'll wake up with a lot less bruises if you take the time to walk a few extra steps.

Don't miss your way out because your too focused in one direction. The door is closed for a reason. Sometime it may open again, but not now, not today. Everything will work out how it was meant to be and right now it is your job to find that window...Smile, because you deserve to.

We Have Everything To Gain

During my last semester of college I took a political sociology class. Among other things we learned the history and evolution of civil movements in our nation. One of the theories was based around the following premise:

"Those who have more to lose fight harder than those who have more to gain."

At first, I thought this was untrue. It seems that if an individual has something to gain, they would do all they could to attain it. they would fight just as hard for that privilege or right as someone who was on the verge of loosing it. But then I recognized the unfortunate truth.

There are two children shopping in a grocery store with their mothers. Susie is allowed to have candy on occasion while Anna is not allowed to have sweets. Both spot a tub of taffy and ask their mothers if they may have a piece. Both mothers say no. Susie having had the joy of tasting the mouth watering substance previously pleads with her mother in hopes of trying it again. Anna, never having the privilege of tasting the sweet chewy candy, figures that she has survived this long without and will be fine not having it now.

The same theory is emphasized in relationships. You will fight a lot harder to heal a relationship that you have had for a year than you will fight for an individual whom you've had one phone conversation with. You will spend more time fighting to keep what you have rather than struggling to achieve something more.

I began to wonder if this is the reason why large advancements in our society take so long to take place. The Civil Rights Movements did not make any headway until the 1960's. I don't believe their success was stunted because they were not fighting hard enough. I think it is very possible that the opposition was just fighting harder. White men felt threatened. they did not want to lose their influence in business and politics. they did not want to face competition to their elite status. The opposition had nothing to gain from subduing the voice of civil rights, but felt as if they had everything to lose.

i feel the same thing is occurring right now in the movement for the expansion of gay rights. Do heterosexual couples feel as if allowing gay marriage will somehow make their own unions less special? (If they do, I personally think these couples need to reevaluate their own relationships.) Why does the gain of the excluded make others feel as if they have lost something?

Immigrants are currently faced with harsher penalties and greater restrictions to the privileges that they once retained with ease. It is harder to attain green cards, work visas, temporary student exchanges, or even simple access into America at all. Are these liberties being threatened so this particular group must fight to retain what they already have instead of fighting for anything more?

This system is teaching the public to be happy with the status-quo. The American dream is built on the progression from the bottom to the top. How do we expect to make progress if we are continually struggling to keep what we have rather than fighting for what we want? We are stifling the very premise that this nation was built on: the prospect of advancement. It is time for people to recognize that we are all playing for the same team; the progress of one is the progress of America... They have everything to gain and we have nothing to lose.

Spring Break Cruise

My roommate, Stephanie, and I recently arrived home from a spring break cruise. The cruise left from San Diego and stopped at Catalina Island and Enscenada Mexico. It was my first cruise and one of the best experiences of my life. We got to go horseback riding on the beach in Mexico and kayaking on the ocean in Catalina. Our ship went through a pod of dolphins; for about ten minutes, there were dolphins surrounding the ship in all directions. It was so beautiful. I have never seen dolphins in the wild before. The expanse of ocean, the cool sea wind, the sounds of the birds and waves-I would venture to say that there is nothing more serene, at least to me.
There is something about the ocean that urges me to remember how fortunate I am. It makes me think about what I truly want and who I aspire to be. I had many new adventures and met fascinating people. But most importantly, this cruise made me realize two very important things.

The first: My worst fear is now being stuck on the ocean. I have seen stories about people trapped on rafts or broken down boats. I would always say to myself: "So, they are on a boat. Someone will eventually find them. It could be worse." I now think there would be very few things that could ever be worse. The ocean is massive. Even when our ship basically followed the coast line, there were times when there was no land in sight. I didn't know which way society existed; I didn't know which way was home; there is a very good possibility that no one would ever find you. To a ship in the distance or an airplane, your little raft may only look like another ripple in the water. Furthermore, the degree of darkness on the ocean at night is unbelievable. Without the stars or the moon, it is impossible to take your next step, know the direction your floating, or comprehend what creature could be lurking beneath you. To say the least, it's scary.

The second thing I realized is the habitually understated fact that the world is immense. When you go on vacation, travel somewhere new, meet a dozen people, you recognize and remember the world beyond your little life. Your job, school, family, friends, that boy who broke your heart--nothing matters anymore. All that you are becomes insignificant compared to all that the world is--all the lives, all the places, and all the events that are in existence at any given moment. It's important to remember that when something seems horribly wrong, in the big scheme of things, its really nothing. You fail a test; there will be a chance for extra credit. You get fired, you will find better employment. Love passes you by; you will find someone else. There are so many people and opportunities in the world; remember that your life and the circumstances in it are minute in comparison.

To All My Friends:

There is this great episode of The West Wing. Here is the premise....

It includes flashbacks outlining the history of Jed Bartlet (the President) and Mrs. Landingham (his secretary). In one of the flashbacks, Jed is a young boy attending a private school at which his father is the headmaster. Mrs. Landingham is his father's secretary. She approaches Jed with a project. The school is biased in its pay to men verses women. She brings facts and figures to Jed so he can go to his father. He argues a little with her. And Mrs. Landingham's final reply is: "If you don't confront the issue because you don't think it's true or unjust, then I respect that. But if you don't do it because you are scared, then Jed, i don't even want to know you." At the end of the episode (in current time), Jed and Mrs. Landingham have a similar conversation about Jed rerunning for his second term. She says, "If you really don't want to do it, then I respect that. But if you are not rerunning because its too hard, then Jed, I don't even want to know you."

I am blogging about a TV show because it applies greatly to my current life situation, as well as the lives of many of my friends. We seem to all reside in a common time in our lives. We are all trying to make decisions about what we want, where we want to go, how we're going to get there. I have a problem with making decisions already: what I want to wear, where I want to go to dinner, which road should I take during rush hour. However, the answers to the decisions that we are all facing right now aren't simply found on a restaurant menu; they are--at the risk of sounding clique--life changing.

I struggled for a long time between remaining at the University of Utah for graduate school or adventuring to the University of Maryland. My decision was made complicated by the opportunity of financial aid in Utah and the extreme debt I would encounter in Maryland. My friends and family are in Utah, I have no one in Maryland. I know Salt Lake City; I have connections; I know where I am going and how to get places; I know the campus and where I would live. In Maryland, I would start from the bottom and the beginning all over again. But despite all those things, I knew that Maryland would offer me the better opportunities, the better future, and the better education. So last night I gave my official notice of acceptance to the University of Maryland. If I chose to go to the University of Utah, it would not have been because I truly believed it was the right place for me to be; if I declined Maryland, it would be because it would be too hard and I was scared. We are all grown up and the answers to our decisions shouldn't be the easy choice anymore.

So to all my friends who are struggling, just like me; to all my friends who are currently mid-choice; and to all my friends who know deep down what they really want:

"If you are choosing a direction because you truly don't believe in the alternative, then I respect that. But if you are walking away from what you really want because you are scared or its too hard, then I don't even want to know you."

"One Rule For A Better Life"

The world is shaped by artificial law. Each area of life seems to have an equation that is presumed to provide a solution. Economics is a series of equations and laws that determine rational consumer choice. Politics is based on a history of precedents that ultimately determines future decisions. Diets routinely say that anyone can be more fit in four weeks. There are books titled, "Ten Rules to Follow in Order to Snag Your Man" and "The Best Way to Make The Perfect Romantic Dinner."

Individuals and events are subjective. The world is inconsistent and instead of recognizing this, we treat it as if it were universally constant--a single strain of a virus that can be treated with one anecdote. But, in reality a virus is continually changing, becomes immune to one treatment, affects everyone differently, and routinely needs new antibodies to eradicate it.

In economics, they teach you that you are able to calculate the total utility (satisfaction) of a demand market from a simple equation. I don't believe it works in practice. Everyone in a market gains a different amount of enjoyment from consuming a single piece of pizza, so how would it be possible to calculate the enjoyment of an entire community. Even that number would be an overall average and it would be useless to apply that information back onto an individual, because her rationality differs from the girl's next door. In politics, they make future decisions based upon the past. For instance, it is common in the Utah legislature for congressmen to use the phrase, "slippery slope." "Oh, we can't let people in homosexual relationships make medical decisions for their partner, because then later we will have to grant them the right to marry." "Oh, we cant prohibit smoking in a car with an infant present, because then we will have to regulate everything else people do in cars." Why? Why would those provisions follow the others? Is the next law not its own individual circumstance? Do we have to decide everything based on what we have done or known in the past?

Similarly, a book can't tell you how to cook the perfect meal or how to find love. Maybe you like a little more spice in your fajitas than the recipe calls for, or maybe the boy your hoping to win over likes it when you call rather than "playing hard to get." The diet that helped your sister loose 20 pounds is not going to help tone your stomach, and the smooth line that allows your brother to get all those phone numbers is not going to get you a date.

Do we have to know our past to know where we are going? Each new experience and person has to be treated as its own. There are no formulas or equations to help you make the right decisions. There is no prescription that tells you to take two pills daily in order to gain everything you have ever wanted. There are no books that give you the answers. So stop existing by "the rules" and live each opportunity for what it is.

The "Art" of Compromise

Usually, compromise is a good thing, especially in relationships and politics I would say. It is the device that keeps the pendulum swinging back and forth. I give a little, you give a little and for the most part we spend most our time in the middle, on common ground. It is the gravity of the sun that keeps the earth from flying out of constant orbit and rotation. I regulate your extreme thoughts, you regulate mine and almost always we keep each other from traveling completely off course.

But is it possible that compromise isn't an art at all, but a technique we have created to prevent ourselves from getting shot on the Senate floor? A technique that sometimes limits us from achieving any real progress? The Democrats wanted to pull troops out of Iraq altogether, the Republicans wanted to create a military surge to go in full force and get it done. They compromised by sending in a few combatants and the war basically came to a standstill. There are too few men to make any real advancement and there are enough that some have died trying. A man wants to get married; the girl feels she is too young and wants too keep her options open. They compromise and become exclusive. Neither is happy: one can't have the wife he loves and the other is not as free as she wishes to be. The Democrats wanted to pass a huge stimulus bill; the Republicans wanted to give America tax cuts. They compromised and passed a stimulus that was cut by millions of dollars. We are left with a package that is so diluted that it will be unable to shed any light within the economic crisis. A Husband is unhappy in his marriage and seeks a divorce. The wife is dearly in love and doesn't want to loose his companionship. They compromise and get a separation. The man remains unhappy unable to pursue those who might lift his spirits, and the woman is grieved by her somewhat incomplete loss while struggling to pick up the pieces.

Sometimes (only sometimes) in place of compromise, we should relinquish our own pursuits. I am guessing that we may find that our opposition's end may produce better results than our stubborn unwillingness to acquiesce.

Stray From the "Plans"

I just got back to Salt Lake City from my weekend holiday in St. George. I shouldn't be surprised that nothing happens as you expect. Your plans aren't always what God has in mind for you. This is certain: sometimes you don't get what you want and the life that follows is determined by how you handle the unexpected, the upsets, and the obstacles you encounter on the way to accomplishing your "plans."

Stephanie, Lora, and I had planned to leave the city at 6:00pm so we wouldn't have to miss class and still arrive in St. George at a somewhat decent hour. Before leaving, I stopped to fill up with gas. I happened to check the air pressure in the tires to discover that they were incredibly low. Unfortunately the air pump at the station was broken and instead of putting in air, it continued to suck air out of the tires. I then drove to a second gas station, to a second air pump, and Stephanie and I succeeded in filling up the tires.

Finally, we reached I 15 at 7:00 and started our journey south. Once we reached Provo, it started to snow heavily and we realized that my windshield wipers had frozen (probably from sitting weeks in the cold in the campus parking lot) and were now crumbling apart and obviously not doing their job of "wiping." So as I haunched over in my car and peered through the small portion of glass that was somewhat clear because of the defroster, I pulled off at the next available exit where we got out of the car and manually wiped off the windshield.

Back on the highway, we decided that we wouldn't make it without windshield wipers so we decided to pull over at a Flying J to buy some. In the dark and snow and with a blurry vision, I thought I was turning into the Flying J parking lot, but instead I found myself on the interstate ramp that took us back north. Once your on those things, it is, of course, impossible and dangerous to get off so we had to drive all the way to the previous exit where we had just stopped to wipe off the window. We turned around, and proceed back south, in order to try pulling into the Flying J one more time. This time we made it and I purchased two wiper blades. Stephanie basically froze off her fingers trying to figure out how to replace the old for the new (after we determined that this plan was better than the alternative of asking one of the rustic-looking truckers for assistance). But finally, the new wipers were securely fashened and we were back on our way. An hour later, we ran out of windshield wiper fluid, luckily patches of rain and snow could be used as a substitute. And when percipitation was absent, Stephanie was commissioned to stick her arm out the window of the moving vehicle and throw water on the window from the bottles we had packed and planned to drink.

Driving at 60 miles per hour due to whether conditions and out of fear produced by the millions of vehicles we passed that had slide off the road, we reached Beaver around 10 o'clock. To our luck, authorities there had closed I15 because 20 cars and 2 semis had collided just a few hours earlier. We were rerouted on side roads that took us to Minersville and through some back mountains. I am positive the drive would have been beautiful in the light. We reached this one area where the clouds became a faint mist and the moon was able to silhouette the mountains and the fog that crept near the fields in the distance. For some time, it seemed as if we were driving through the English Moores. Anyway, at 1 am we finally reached the comfort of our bed in St. George.

Despite the conditions, we had an amazing time. We decided to have fun with whatever it was that would come our way and we did. We had so much fun and I believe that it is those kind of things that an individual remembers forever because it didn't go as planned.

You have two choices: you can either choose be happy with what comes or you can sulk and dwell on what didn't happen or what you didn't get. Most of the time if you choose to look at the situation differently, you end up getting a lot more than what you originally hoped or planned for.

Therefore We Are

I read this in a book today...

When Descartes said, "I think therefore, I am," he uttered a very profound thought. But there are times in the history of peoples when thought alone does not prove there existence...There are times when everything in you cries out: your very self-respect as a human being lies in your resistance to evil. We fight, therefore we are!

I wanted to share this with you for two reasons. One, I believe that many people take what the Greats, such as Plato and Socrates, say at face value. No one ever thinks for themselves, sits down and contemplates if their statements are truly accurate. We do this every day with each other; we avoid testing the truth and facts of common knowledge in order to sidestep conflict and possible humiliation. No one wants to raise their hand in class to question the Professor who spent eight years researching the very subject. No one wants to develop a theory contrary to Marx, Hobbes, or Machiavelli. So when I read this quote I was glad that someone finally did. Even though its a small notion, its a large step in the right direction.

Second, the author of this quote brings up a profound idea. In what context did Descartes believe that mere thinking was enough to prove our existence? Thinking is certainly important and is the ultimate road map to the final destination, but if we never get up and drive we'll never get anywhere. If we sit in a room all day and think, who is to say that were ever alive? What profound impact will we have on society if we have profound insight but never share it with the world? What if our forefathers thought about rebelling against British occupation but never acted to secure their rights? What if Martin Luther King Jr. thought about a dream but never shared it with America? What if Columbus thought the world was round but never sailed the oceans to fight for the truth?

I believe it is very important to share your ideas with others, always search for what is beyond wonderment, and fight for want you believe in and for what you want.

Happy In Moderation

What if the thing that made you the most happy in life was the one thing that caused you the most pain? Everyone goes through this almost every day in their life, I am certain of it. All my friends, including myself, are currently trying to find the equilibrium between the extraordinary pleasure and the intense repercussions of the same object.

If you are still at a loss for what I am trying to say, let me put it this way. A man loves chocolate cake. The texture of the frosting on his tongue, the taste of it in his mouth, the sight of the chocolate piled layer upon layer.... When he looks back, his happiest memories are those that involve the succulent presence of the dark dessert. Nothing else seems to matter as long as there is cake. He forgets about all the other downfalls in his life, feels the best about himself, and is the happiest in the presence of the the baked chocolate. Nonetheless, he realizes that it is also his weakness. The cake causes him to gain weight and after the taste is gone, he no longer feels good about himself. His friends make fun of him for his weird passion about a baked good and his overall health declines due to the ever increasing blood pressure.

Of course, this is just an over-reaching metaphor about a lust for a dessert, but suppose that his total happiness rested on the existance of cake in his life. Is it worth being happy when you are required to be miserable at the same time? Where should we draw the line when the ease of pain comes at the expense of joy?

I had a conversation with my friend today. She is in love with her best friend. He is in love with his ex. But she told me that she is willing to be his friend if that is what it takes to be even a little piece of his life. Her love is disguised as friendship and she has to endure hearing his stories of other women and how much he loves someone else, etc. etc. And I look up to her because she is willing to go through all that heartache just be able to be in his life.

Maybe the purpose of life is not only to find what makes you happy, but to find that threshold of where you can no longer hold onto it. At what point does "for better and for worse" no longer matter? Is there a limit when "worse" is just too bad, the pain exceeding the pleasure; and if this were to happen, does this mean that we should give up what truly makes us happy because the current moment is bleak? Where should we draw the line between good and evil?

Is being happy in moderation not good enough?

The Internal Threat

We live in a democratic society. We move through each day rather smoothly, almost like clockwork. People go about their daily routines in an orderly, rational manner. We must obey the laws or suffer the consequences. We must follow social norms or be labeled less than normal. We must get dressed, go to work, eat, come home, go to bed, wake up and do it all over again or face the penalties of "erratic behavior." However, under all this order, there may be a deep internal threat to the very democratic society that promotes it.

The emphasis of rational norms administered by government, its institutions, and the larger society may very well lead to the destruction of other precious democratic principles, if it hasn't already. Today, we live in a fast paced world. We are out to get things done: people to see, things to do, stuff to learn. Any alteration from our mapped out attack on the day leads us to unwarranted stress. A traffic jam keeps us from that meeting we are suppose to be at. A friend calls and wants to go to dinner, but that would keep us from the episode of American Idol we were planning on viewing. A homeless man slows our to the office by asking for a quarter or two. Today's norms and values place an emphasis on efficiency and economy at the expense of justice and equality.

By shifting significance to the norms of today, is it possible that we are loosing the greater value of life. Are we being labeled guilty before proven innocent because it's faster? Do we not care to make schools in the Bronx better because it does not effect our own lives? Are we willing to give up a fantastic opportunity because it was not in the plan?

We need to take a minute, or at least a second, to slow down and figure out what exactly is getting pushed aside and lost in the array of rules of cultural norms and bureaucratic order?

Priorities Please!

This is what I know. The world spends 800 million U.S. dollars on military each year. America and Europe spend 400 million dollars on narcotics, 17 million on pet food, and 12 million on perfume. Europe alone spends 100 million dollars on Alcohol and 50 million on tobacco. This all happens while the entire world only spends 12 million dollars on women's reproductive care, 9 million on all other health care, and 6 million on education. How sad is this? Europe and America spend 3 times the amount of money on food for our pets than for our children's education. Guess that puts our priorities in perspective. We like to get liquored up, smoke, and feed our dogs before we take care of our sick and hungry...but don't worry because we smell nice while doing it due to all our perfume purchases.

Don't get me wrong. I am very far from perfect myself. I have 62 pairs of shoes sitting in my closet. But something has got to be done. As a world, we have got to make a change. And as the national great power of America we should stand as an example. America holds only 5% of the population while consuming 28% of the world's goods. And each day 30,000 children die from poverty around the world. What are we doing people? Instead of spending 580 billion dollars on the Iraqi War we could have given that money to provide basic healthcare, needs, and education for countries not as fortunate as this one.

The 3 richest families in the world have a greater fortune than the total GDP of the 48 poorest nations. Lets start today. I gave away a pair of shoes tonight. I know it's not much, but if you knew me at all, you would understand what a huge personal step that is for me. Start today. Today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.

Today Is One Of Those Days

These are the days I live for. You might think I am exaggerating, but as a student of politics and with the dream of a future career in policy, I believe that these days encompass the spirit of America. We live in an amazing country at an amazing time and it is a day like this that reminds us of everything we usually take for granted: our freedom, our security, our voices, our experiences, and our individual possibilities.

Moreover, its even more incredible to think not of what we have as individuals, but we have as a nation. Despite who we voted for in November or what our liberal or conservative views may be, these days, days like this one, bring us together because we remember that we are all in this together. Our diversity of religion, color, background, social status seems to fade away if only for a moment, because for a moment we are united under one label...American. I may celebrate Christmas and you celebrate Hanuka. I may be a blonde college girl from the country and you a Wall Street economist from the big city, but today we are Americans and for a split second nothing else matters. What would it be like if we could always feel like we do today? What would it be like if for the next four years our differences never separated us from one another? Today, the artificial walls came down. Tomorrow, we may construct them again, but we have the moment and that is what makes politics so special. It is more than a moment in history, its our present and we could make this moment our future.

A Heartfelt Goodbye

I just wanted to say good-bye to President George W. Bush. It is his last night as President and I know that we all have a few reservations about the last eight years. There are decisions he made that we don't agree with and actions he took that disappointed some of us. Nonetheless, he was our President and as American citizens it is our job to stand behind him until the very end.

He made decisions with the knowledge he had at hand. He made the decisions that none of us would ever want the responsibility to make. He made the decisions that we elected him to make. So for all of us, I just want to say, "Goodbye and thank you for making the choices that we didn't want to make."

On a side note: Today I was thinking about terrorists and why they do what they do. In a book, Bruce Hoffman writes that terrorism is designed for the sole purpose of taking a stance, voicing a belief. Terrorists cause violence, not with the intention to murder, but to make a big enough impact on the world to get their message heard. They believe that what they are fighting for is the truth; it is right and worthy. They are trying to oppose what they see as a universal evil.

If this is true....if all they really want is to be heard and cause a change then it seems to me that, as the rest of the world, we have an opportunity to make it stop. I don't believe that there is a realistic way to ever do this. But if an act of terrorism was never broadcasted by the media, if people refrained from discussing it, and if we acted (even pretended) it didn't make a difference then the terrorists efforts would be unwarrented. How many less would risk life in prison if no one noticed why he went? How many less would choose to be a suicide bomb if they knew it wouldn't make a difference in the world. If we don't listen, it might keep a few from speaking?

I know this is impossible to accomplish. We all have a right to know and the media needs to say something. It's too hard not to care when a loved one dies unexpectedly and so tragically. I understand that we will never be able to stop listening, but it's something to think about.

Why continue to Gamble?

I know why people gamble. You play the slots, try to be the one to hit the jackpot. You move to Hollywood, try to be one of the few who gets on the big screen. You date, try to find the person you want to spend your life with. It's easy to understand the human motivation to take a chance. The real question is.....Why, once a person wins, does she continue to gamble?

A man goes to Las Vegas. He bets everything he has on one roll. He wins and has everything he has ever wanted. He has spent his life trying to make a roll just like this one. He knows he was lucky. He knows the house usually wins. So why does he continue to gamble after he's already won?

A young graduate scores the job of her dreams. A few years past and she believes that she can do better, be hired to do something more. Why does the girl give up something she has worked her whole life to achieve? Why does she give up the perfect job on the slim assumption that there's something better?

Two people fall in love. They have been looking for each other high and low. They both know that the other is a perfect match, that they want to spend forever with each other, that they were lucky to find each other in the first place. A few months pass and the man decides to break up with her. He is afraid he is missing out on something more, something greater. Why would a person assume there's someone better after they have already found the best?

Why gamble when you've already won?

Am I Free?

In a democracy like America, we are given certain freedoms. Sometimes I believe that those liberties are the very things that restrain us. Marketing, for example, developed due to our capitalist society. Advertisements are not selling the product, they are selling an intangible idea that we all believe we need and cannot find within ourselves. For instance, Nike sold millions selling the idea of transcendence beyond sport. Saturn sells the belief of community, being a part of a group, being accepted. This freedom to advertise...has it lead to a restraint on the individual? Are we being told what we need? If not, then why are we buying into the useless material items that are far from basic necessity?

In America, we are not only buying product, we are buying governance. We are given a select group of politicians to choose from. Political marketing begins years before election. These ads are nothing more than an artful construction of lies. We are not being told the truth. We are being told what we want to hear, the ideas we want to believe in.

Democracy leads us to believe that the consumer is in control. Are we? We need to believe in ourselves in order to understand that a product is just a product and the true fulfillment of personal yearnings is unattainable within those material goods. Do we have enough identity within ourselves to truly be free from persuasion?