Where's the Sun?

The other day I realized that I am a person who participates in the same game over and over again, no matter how many times I fail. Unfortunately, I doubt if I am the only person who does this. We are all caught in a pattern of some kind: dating the same men, transferring to one job to another only to find out you have the same responsibilities, giving that friend another chance only to end in the same betrayal, following a daily routine we could do with our eyes shut...basically, continually making the same mistakes.

Why is it so hard to break these patterns even when we recognize them? Are we trying to hold onto a piece of our past because we're afraid of the unknown? Do we refuse to change directions because we can't accept defeat?

We are taught to never give up. If we accept the fact that something is wrong--that we don't like our job, that we fall in love with the wrong men, that we choose the wrong friends, that we can't seem to do anything outside our comfort zone--I think deep down a part of us feels as if we are giving up on the element we have pursued for so long. Is there ever a time to give up? If so, when? How long do we struggle before we decide it's not worth the fight.

I feel like I am in a grove of trees and they keep growing thicker and thicker. I crawl through the branches and cut down the weeds in front of me. I feel like any second I'm going to reach the other side; any second, and I'll be out. But it's been so long since I've seen the sun. Is it time to turn around and find a different way through? I think to myself, "I've struggled this far; it can't all be a waste of time...this path has to go somewhere."

I think the hope of reaching the other side keeps us from turning around. Maybe sometimes, going forward requires accepting defeat and starting over.