When God Closes A Door...

I know it's cliche but when God closes a door, he does open a window. The problem is that many times we stand around starring at that door, searching for the nonexistent key, or crying about our unfortunate situation when the way out is only a few paces away.

Life has a way of never being perfect and always remaining unpredictable. We do not always get what we want. We may have to say good-bye to the people we love most. A shadow may, more often than not, be cast over our "happily ever after."

We tend to weep when our door closes. We say, "Why me? Why did this have to happen?" We're persistent; we feel as if we need to go through that particular door. We beg for the job which was obviously not meant to be. We fight for the man whom is regrettably unavailable. We wallow in the loss of a friend, a valuable possession, a vacation opportunity, a promotion, an athletic competition. What we should be doing is saying "hello" to someone new, finding a more perfect career, celebrating our victories, and realizing our alternative possibilities. It's OK to be sad or frightened when your in a dark room and you may feel like your all alone. The problem develops when we spend too much time idling in the darkness rather than turning on the light; trying repetitively to knock down the door rather than discovering the wide-open window just across the room. Trust me, you'll wake up with a lot less bruises if you take the time to walk a few extra steps.

Don't miss your way out because your too focused in one direction. The door is closed for a reason. Sometime it may open again, but not now, not today. Everything will work out how it was meant to be and right now it is your job to find that window...Smile, because you deserve to.

We Have Everything To Gain

During my last semester of college I took a political sociology class. Among other things we learned the history and evolution of civil movements in our nation. One of the theories was based around the following premise:

"Those who have more to lose fight harder than those who have more to gain."

At first, I thought this was untrue. It seems that if an individual has something to gain, they would do all they could to attain it. they would fight just as hard for that privilege or right as someone who was on the verge of loosing it. But then I recognized the unfortunate truth.

There are two children shopping in a grocery store with their mothers. Susie is allowed to have candy on occasion while Anna is not allowed to have sweets. Both spot a tub of taffy and ask their mothers if they may have a piece. Both mothers say no. Susie having had the joy of tasting the mouth watering substance previously pleads with her mother in hopes of trying it again. Anna, never having the privilege of tasting the sweet chewy candy, figures that she has survived this long without and will be fine not having it now.

The same theory is emphasized in relationships. You will fight a lot harder to heal a relationship that you have had for a year than you will fight for an individual whom you've had one phone conversation with. You will spend more time fighting to keep what you have rather than struggling to achieve something more.

I began to wonder if this is the reason why large advancements in our society take so long to take place. The Civil Rights Movements did not make any headway until the 1960's. I don't believe their success was stunted because they were not fighting hard enough. I think it is very possible that the opposition was just fighting harder. White men felt threatened. they did not want to lose their influence in business and politics. they did not want to face competition to their elite status. The opposition had nothing to gain from subduing the voice of civil rights, but felt as if they had everything to lose.

i feel the same thing is occurring right now in the movement for the expansion of gay rights. Do heterosexual couples feel as if allowing gay marriage will somehow make their own unions less special? (If they do, I personally think these couples need to reevaluate their own relationships.) Why does the gain of the excluded make others feel as if they have lost something?

Immigrants are currently faced with harsher penalties and greater restrictions to the privileges that they once retained with ease. It is harder to attain green cards, work visas, temporary student exchanges, or even simple access into America at all. Are these liberties being threatened so this particular group must fight to retain what they already have instead of fighting for anything more?

This system is teaching the public to be happy with the status-quo. The American dream is built on the progression from the bottom to the top. How do we expect to make progress if we are continually struggling to keep what we have rather than fighting for what we want? We are stifling the very premise that this nation was built on: the prospect of advancement. It is time for people to recognize that we are all playing for the same team; the progress of one is the progress of America... They have everything to gain and we have nothing to lose.

Spring Break Cruise

My roommate, Stephanie, and I recently arrived home from a spring break cruise. The cruise left from San Diego and stopped at Catalina Island and Enscenada Mexico. It was my first cruise and one of the best experiences of my life. We got to go horseback riding on the beach in Mexico and kayaking on the ocean in Catalina. Our ship went through a pod of dolphins; for about ten minutes, there were dolphins surrounding the ship in all directions. It was so beautiful. I have never seen dolphins in the wild before. The expanse of ocean, the cool sea wind, the sounds of the birds and waves-I would venture to say that there is nothing more serene, at least to me.
There is something about the ocean that urges me to remember how fortunate I am. It makes me think about what I truly want and who I aspire to be. I had many new adventures and met fascinating people. But most importantly, this cruise made me realize two very important things.

The first: My worst fear is now being stuck on the ocean. I have seen stories about people trapped on rafts or broken down boats. I would always say to myself: "So, they are on a boat. Someone will eventually find them. It could be worse." I now think there would be very few things that could ever be worse. The ocean is massive. Even when our ship basically followed the coast line, there were times when there was no land in sight. I didn't know which way society existed; I didn't know which way was home; there is a very good possibility that no one would ever find you. To a ship in the distance or an airplane, your little raft may only look like another ripple in the water. Furthermore, the degree of darkness on the ocean at night is unbelievable. Without the stars or the moon, it is impossible to take your next step, know the direction your floating, or comprehend what creature could be lurking beneath you. To say the least, it's scary.

The second thing I realized is the habitually understated fact that the world is immense. When you go on vacation, travel somewhere new, meet a dozen people, you recognize and remember the world beyond your little life. Your job, school, family, friends, that boy who broke your heart--nothing matters anymore. All that you are becomes insignificant compared to all that the world is--all the lives, all the places, and all the events that are in existence at any given moment. It's important to remember that when something seems horribly wrong, in the big scheme of things, its really nothing. You fail a test; there will be a chance for extra credit. You get fired, you will find better employment. Love passes you by; you will find someone else. There are so many people and opportunities in the world; remember that your life and the circumstances in it are minute in comparison.

To All My Friends:

There is this great episode of The West Wing. Here is the premise....

It includes flashbacks outlining the history of Jed Bartlet (the President) and Mrs. Landingham (his secretary). In one of the flashbacks, Jed is a young boy attending a private school at which his father is the headmaster. Mrs. Landingham is his father's secretary. She approaches Jed with a project. The school is biased in its pay to men verses women. She brings facts and figures to Jed so he can go to his father. He argues a little with her. And Mrs. Landingham's final reply is: "If you don't confront the issue because you don't think it's true or unjust, then I respect that. But if you don't do it because you are scared, then Jed, i don't even want to know you." At the end of the episode (in current time), Jed and Mrs. Landingham have a similar conversation about Jed rerunning for his second term. She says, "If you really don't want to do it, then I respect that. But if you are not rerunning because its too hard, then Jed, I don't even want to know you."

I am blogging about a TV show because it applies greatly to my current life situation, as well as the lives of many of my friends. We seem to all reside in a common time in our lives. We are all trying to make decisions about what we want, where we want to go, how we're going to get there. I have a problem with making decisions already: what I want to wear, where I want to go to dinner, which road should I take during rush hour. However, the answers to the decisions that we are all facing right now aren't simply found on a restaurant menu; they are--at the risk of sounding clique--life changing.

I struggled for a long time between remaining at the University of Utah for graduate school or adventuring to the University of Maryland. My decision was made complicated by the opportunity of financial aid in Utah and the extreme debt I would encounter in Maryland. My friends and family are in Utah, I have no one in Maryland. I know Salt Lake City; I have connections; I know where I am going and how to get places; I know the campus and where I would live. In Maryland, I would start from the bottom and the beginning all over again. But despite all those things, I knew that Maryland would offer me the better opportunities, the better future, and the better education. So last night I gave my official notice of acceptance to the University of Maryland. If I chose to go to the University of Utah, it would not have been because I truly believed it was the right place for me to be; if I declined Maryland, it would be because it would be too hard and I was scared. We are all grown up and the answers to our decisions shouldn't be the easy choice anymore.

So to all my friends who are struggling, just like me; to all my friends who are currently mid-choice; and to all my friends who know deep down what they really want:

"If you are choosing a direction because you truly don't believe in the alternative, then I respect that. But if you are walking away from what you really want because you are scared or its too hard, then I don't even want to know you."

"One Rule For A Better Life"

The world is shaped by artificial law. Each area of life seems to have an equation that is presumed to provide a solution. Economics is a series of equations and laws that determine rational consumer choice. Politics is based on a history of precedents that ultimately determines future decisions. Diets routinely say that anyone can be more fit in four weeks. There are books titled, "Ten Rules to Follow in Order to Snag Your Man" and "The Best Way to Make The Perfect Romantic Dinner."

Individuals and events are subjective. The world is inconsistent and instead of recognizing this, we treat it as if it were universally constant--a single strain of a virus that can be treated with one anecdote. But, in reality a virus is continually changing, becomes immune to one treatment, affects everyone differently, and routinely needs new antibodies to eradicate it.

In economics, they teach you that you are able to calculate the total utility (satisfaction) of a demand market from a simple equation. I don't believe it works in practice. Everyone in a market gains a different amount of enjoyment from consuming a single piece of pizza, so how would it be possible to calculate the enjoyment of an entire community. Even that number would be an overall average and it would be useless to apply that information back onto an individual, because her rationality differs from the girl's next door. In politics, they make future decisions based upon the past. For instance, it is common in the Utah legislature for congressmen to use the phrase, "slippery slope." "Oh, we can't let people in homosexual relationships make medical decisions for their partner, because then later we will have to grant them the right to marry." "Oh, we cant prohibit smoking in a car with an infant present, because then we will have to regulate everything else people do in cars." Why? Why would those provisions follow the others? Is the next law not its own individual circumstance? Do we have to decide everything based on what we have done or known in the past?

Similarly, a book can't tell you how to cook the perfect meal or how to find love. Maybe you like a little more spice in your fajitas than the recipe calls for, or maybe the boy your hoping to win over likes it when you call rather than "playing hard to get." The diet that helped your sister loose 20 pounds is not going to help tone your stomach, and the smooth line that allows your brother to get all those phone numbers is not going to get you a date.

Do we have to know our past to know where we are going? Each new experience and person has to be treated as its own. There are no formulas or equations to help you make the right decisions. There is no prescription that tells you to take two pills daily in order to gain everything you have ever wanted. There are no books that give you the answers. So stop existing by "the rules" and live each opportunity for what it is.

The "Art" of Compromise

Usually, compromise is a good thing, especially in relationships and politics I would say. It is the device that keeps the pendulum swinging back and forth. I give a little, you give a little and for the most part we spend most our time in the middle, on common ground. It is the gravity of the sun that keeps the earth from flying out of constant orbit and rotation. I regulate your extreme thoughts, you regulate mine and almost always we keep each other from traveling completely off course.

But is it possible that compromise isn't an art at all, but a technique we have created to prevent ourselves from getting shot on the Senate floor? A technique that sometimes limits us from achieving any real progress? The Democrats wanted to pull troops out of Iraq altogether, the Republicans wanted to create a military surge to go in full force and get it done. They compromised by sending in a few combatants and the war basically came to a standstill. There are too few men to make any real advancement and there are enough that some have died trying. A man wants to get married; the girl feels she is too young and wants too keep her options open. They compromise and become exclusive. Neither is happy: one can't have the wife he loves and the other is not as free as she wishes to be. The Democrats wanted to pass a huge stimulus bill; the Republicans wanted to give America tax cuts. They compromised and passed a stimulus that was cut by millions of dollars. We are left with a package that is so diluted that it will be unable to shed any light within the economic crisis. A Husband is unhappy in his marriage and seeks a divorce. The wife is dearly in love and doesn't want to loose his companionship. They compromise and get a separation. The man remains unhappy unable to pursue those who might lift his spirits, and the woman is grieved by her somewhat incomplete loss while struggling to pick up the pieces.

Sometimes (only sometimes) in place of compromise, we should relinquish our own pursuits. I am guessing that we may find that our opposition's end may produce better results than our stubborn unwillingness to acquiesce.

Stray From the "Plans"

I just got back to Salt Lake City from my weekend holiday in St. George. I shouldn't be surprised that nothing happens as you expect. Your plans aren't always what God has in mind for you. This is certain: sometimes you don't get what you want and the life that follows is determined by how you handle the unexpected, the upsets, and the obstacles you encounter on the way to accomplishing your "plans."

Stephanie, Lora, and I had planned to leave the city at 6:00pm so we wouldn't have to miss class and still arrive in St. George at a somewhat decent hour. Before leaving, I stopped to fill up with gas. I happened to check the air pressure in the tires to discover that they were incredibly low. Unfortunately the air pump at the station was broken and instead of putting in air, it continued to suck air out of the tires. I then drove to a second gas station, to a second air pump, and Stephanie and I succeeded in filling up the tires.

Finally, we reached I 15 at 7:00 and started our journey south. Once we reached Provo, it started to snow heavily and we realized that my windshield wipers had frozen (probably from sitting weeks in the cold in the campus parking lot) and were now crumbling apart and obviously not doing their job of "wiping." So as I haunched over in my car and peered through the small portion of glass that was somewhat clear because of the defroster, I pulled off at the next available exit where we got out of the car and manually wiped off the windshield.

Back on the highway, we decided that we wouldn't make it without windshield wipers so we decided to pull over at a Flying J to buy some. In the dark and snow and with a blurry vision, I thought I was turning into the Flying J parking lot, but instead I found myself on the interstate ramp that took us back north. Once your on those things, it is, of course, impossible and dangerous to get off so we had to drive all the way to the previous exit where we had just stopped to wipe off the window. We turned around, and proceed back south, in order to try pulling into the Flying J one more time. This time we made it and I purchased two wiper blades. Stephanie basically froze off her fingers trying to figure out how to replace the old for the new (after we determined that this plan was better than the alternative of asking one of the rustic-looking truckers for assistance). But finally, the new wipers were securely fashened and we were back on our way. An hour later, we ran out of windshield wiper fluid, luckily patches of rain and snow could be used as a substitute. And when percipitation was absent, Stephanie was commissioned to stick her arm out the window of the moving vehicle and throw water on the window from the bottles we had packed and planned to drink.

Driving at 60 miles per hour due to whether conditions and out of fear produced by the millions of vehicles we passed that had slide off the road, we reached Beaver around 10 o'clock. To our luck, authorities there had closed I15 because 20 cars and 2 semis had collided just a few hours earlier. We were rerouted on side roads that took us to Minersville and through some back mountains. I am positive the drive would have been beautiful in the light. We reached this one area where the clouds became a faint mist and the moon was able to silhouette the mountains and the fog that crept near the fields in the distance. For some time, it seemed as if we were driving through the English Moores. Anyway, at 1 am we finally reached the comfort of our bed in St. George.

Despite the conditions, we had an amazing time. We decided to have fun with whatever it was that would come our way and we did. We had so much fun and I believe that it is those kind of things that an individual remembers forever because it didn't go as planned.

You have two choices: you can either choose be happy with what comes or you can sulk and dwell on what didn't happen or what you didn't get. Most of the time if you choose to look at the situation differently, you end up getting a lot more than what you originally hoped or planned for.